While following the mild foo-fa-ra I seem to have raised, I’ve been thinking. If I don’t believe in god, what do I believe?
I had to think about it for a bit, but I managed to come up with five things I believe, some seriously, some not. (Your guess which is which.) Here, in ascending order of embarrassing earnestness, they are:
- I believe microwaves and pantyhose are evil.
- I believe my fluffy white cat is my evil overlord.
- I believe taxing earned income at a higher rate than unearned income is immoral.
- I believe everyone has a dream to follow, even if you don’t know what it is.
- I believe you must not allow the inevitable losses to make you fear to love.
I feel like such a goof, I just have to spread the goofiness around. So, Con, Nora, Jeremy, Kathleen, and meme-mongering Chris, tag, you’re It. What are five things you believe?
Writing Every Day 
I, for one, welcome our fluffy white cat overlords.
I remember there was a fellow who had a newspaper column. What he’d do is listen to people’s predictions for the new year — and then he’d counterpredict. If a famous psychic predicted an earthquake… he’d counterpredict (“I predict that’s not going to happen”). If my faulty memory serves, I think it was Jack Smith. I’m pretty sure you met him. Might be better easier to say what we don’t believe in, eh?
1. I believe in bashing two bricks together
2. I believe I will never find a glove that fits like a glove*
*Disclosure: I am not OJ Simpson
3. I believe I will never find a pair of shoes that fits either.
4. I believe my life has been ruined by aphids. Okay, maybe not my life. But my macaroni has been. Okay, maybe just this winter.
5. I believe that the mortgage crisis will not end until our legislators stop the origination of new ARMs for which the borrowers are qualified at historic low interest rates instead of at a sensible projected median interest rate.
Not believing:
1. I do not believe in flying reindeer (unless they’re in planes)*.
* No offense intended to those of you who are from the North Pole.
2. I do not believe I will win the big prize in the lottery this year. Or next, for that matter.
3. I do not believe in reincarnation. (And even if I did have past lives, it doesn’t matter since I can’t recall any of the sordid details).
4. I do not believe gray goo will take over the world.
5. I do not believe DC-8 planes can fly without engines. Unless reindeer are crewing them. Darn those reindeer anyway.
I believe:
1. Cats exist to keep us humble.
2. A bicycle will keep you young. (Yes, you do have to ride it.)
2a. You may not feel very young during a long ride.
3. The only person I have to impress is me.
4. If you’re not having fun, you’re in the wrong hobby.
5. Never race with anything you can’t afford to push off a cliff.
These are such cool lists! So much funnier (emu) and coherent (Chuck) than mine.
Thanks!